How to spot a Poor Listener
Last year I posted a blog article exploring Leadership Development and the Art of Listening. It got a lot of interest at the time and triggered some super conversations.
In this post, I would like to build on this topic and suggest that people who are poor listeners are generally not difficult to spot. They are often easily distracted, fail to focus on the present, offer plenty of free advice, minimize the feelings of others, and are quick to fill any silence with their own ideas.
Colleagues, co-workers, and even clients label poor listeners. Have you seen these types in the workplace?
The Recruiter: this type of listener is looking to identify others in their tribe; they seek to confirm whether your ideas align with theirs or what they believe is "the truth." While they may have good intentions, they frequently look for ways to restate their position rather than listen.
The Negator: this type of listener believes everyone else is wrong. They create barriers, often hiding behind closed doors, lack of time, and other priorities. Resentful of others for their attempt at intrusion, they negate all ideas.
The Manipulator: perhaps the most cunning of poor listeners. They skillfully steer conversations to their desired outcome. Their questions are leading, slanted, or rhetorical, leaving others to wonder what just happened.
The Talker: this type of listener is also known as a windbag. Any thinking they do is done externally or out loud, and they use repetition or gas-lighting to try and prove their point.
The Fixer: the fixer listener is a people-pleaser, quick on the draw to offer solutions. They seek to impress and often make recommendations before assistance is sought or problems are fully identified.
The Faker: this type of listener is a great actor. They often use pseudo-empathy to mask their disinterest or closed-mind.
When co-workers don't listen at work, it can often feel like bad improv comedy. Have you experienced this? I have seen collaboration become impossible with one-sided conversations. Unfortunately, the stakes are much more significant than a failed comedy skit, and the consequences are far more reaching.
How Teams Can Listen Better with Improv
When this topic comes up with my coaching clients, we discuss how individuals and teams can practice the art of listening with a few techniques from improv comedy.
I often reference the game "Questions Only", where participants are challenged to move the dialogue forward without hesitation, statements, or non-sequiturs, asking original questions only. Some versions of the game use scoring. Typically it is done with a group of four (or more), and when a mistake is made, another person steps in. The key to staying in the game is to listen well.
Poor listeners rarely move the dialogue forward. Instead, they miss cues and opportunities. But great listeners focus on others, remain flexible, and listen carefully. They collaborate and support each other.
Listening well will help you strengthen relationships, increase your knowledge, make better decisions, and improve your creativity. It can make all the difference in your success.
What do you think? What tools or techniques do you use to improve your listening skills? I’d love to hear from you. I can be reached here and on LinkedIn.
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