Leadership Development and the Art of Listening
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” - Bryant H. McGill
Although the art of listening is frequently the difference between leadership success and failure, it is often taken for granted and rarely taught in schools - at any level. We have an urgent need for leadership development in the art of listening.
How Well Are You Listening?
“Listening well has been found to distinguish the best managers, teachers, and leaders.” - Psychologist Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (2007)
The art of listening is essential for leaders. The US Department of Labor estimates that we spend 22% of our time reading communications, 23% talking to others, and 55% listening. But how well are we hearing?
I encourage you to test yourself with this simple exercise, suggested by Marshall Goldsmith in his book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.
Close your eyes. Slowly count to 50 with a concentrated focus on counting only; don’t let any other thought enter your brain.
Most people admit that after counting to 20 or 30, they become distracted. (Some maintain the count but are also thinking of other things.) While this may sound like a concentration test, it’s actually a listening assessment. After all, if you can’t listen to your own voice as you count, how can you listen to someone else?
Practice this listening exercise. Track your progress. By sharpening your ability to focus on your own voice, you’ll find that you can better focus attention on another.
Why Aren’t We Listening?
Mastering the art of listening is beneficial to everyone. It allows leaders to identify opportunities, innovate, and increase profitability. It strengthens relationships, builds better teams, and bridges gaps. So why aren’t we listening?
The human brain is a remarkable, complex system with enormous power to process information through electrical signals. Like a computer (or artificial intelligence), it has circuits for input, output, central processing (CPUs), and memory. The human brain also uses parallel processing. According to Liqun Luo, professor of neurobiology at Stanford University, our brains have “superior flexibility, generalizability, and learning capability than the state-of-the-art computer.”
On average, the human brain thinks at 500 words per minute (Wpm). However, we only speak at an average of 130 Wpm. This frees up a lot of CPUs when we are listening, and we begin to multi-task.
Emotional distractions also create a lack of presence and inability to listen. These include:
Impatience
Resentment and envy
Fear and feeling threatened
Fatigue and frustration
Overexcitement (happiness, joy, attraction)
Insecurities and/or a need to be “right”
When we think we already know what someone is going to say, we often stop listening and begin crafting a solution and response. When this happens, we move away from a place of curiosity, a keystone of listening.
Similarly, our limited perspective can interfere with our listening. We stop listening when we think we know what someone will say or hear something that contradicts what we think or feel. We fail to acknowledge that we don’t know what we don’t know. We hold on to bias, beliefs, and preconceived notions.
Often, leaders who struggle in the art of listening are simply struggling with their own perceived inability to act on suggestions and ideas. As a result, they shut down the flow of ideas and requests and move to a defensive position where they do all the talking. Sure, they may emphasise how much they care, but they are not listening.
How Can Leaders Listen Better?
Humans learn to sift and sort at an early age. We learn coping methods to drown out distracting movements and sounds. In the process, we often develop the habit of selective listening. As a result, we often miss essential cues or even direct communication. While the art of listening is not taught in traditional MBA programs, leaders can learn to listen better by taking a few tips from the training therapists receive.
Be curious.
Curiosity allows us to think more deeply, rationally, and innovatively. Curious leaders gain more trust and respect and can better adapt to uncertain conditions and external pressures. As a leader, how do you strengthen your curiosity? How often do you:
Read a wide range of topics, genres, and authors
Consult with others
Explore without an agenda—i.e. take a trip, a walk, a visit to a brick and mortar book store
Ask “dumb” questions
Learn something new—i.e. memorise new facts, learn a new game/language/musical instrument
Deepen your existing knowledge and expertise
Ponder the unknowable
Practice active listening.
As a leader, one of the most important things we do for those we lead is to listen. And while we may think we’re paying full attention, we may be sending a message that we’re not. Instead, practice active listening without judgement:
Stop what you are doing. This is perhaps the most important and loudest signal you can give to the other person. If you are walking, stop. Turn to face the other person squarely. If you are seated and holding something, put it down, and if possible, away from your reach and face the other person squarely. If you cannot fully participate, or have limited time and attention, let them know, and schedule a time and place when you can.
As the other person is speaking, pay attention to their non-verbal language - their tone, body language, and gestures - and the details of what they are saying. As appropriate, mirror their actions (make eye contact, smile, lean in, relax your face, etc.).
Ask for clarification or elaboration without interrupting them as they speak. To do this well, without manipulating the conversation with your own bias, agenda, preconceptions, or motives, takes practice. Allow for silence as someone searches for words or composure by maintaining eye contact and using appropriate facial expressions. Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with “yes” or “no”. If you do need specific clarification, ask close-ended questions.
Paraphrase what you think you heard, verbally and non-verbally. Include what you perceive to be their feelings, emotions, beliefs, thoughts, suggestions, ideas, requests, etc. Include details, as well as the big picture. Acknowledge what you don’t understand or know.
Don’t rush to solutions or fixes. Be patient, but not passive. And remember, the goal is not to critique what they say. Instead, it is simply to hear and understand. Resist any urge to empathise by topping the story with your own similar but worse experience.
Communicate what your next step or follow-up will be.
Establish guidelines for team and group meetings.
The art of listening is critical for team success. Leaders who remove barriers, set standards, and model behaviour increase meeting efficiencies and productivity.
Request that distractions be minimised or eliminated (i.e. phones off, doors closed, etc.).
State your objective at the beginning of the meeting.
Appoint a facilitator to keep track of time and focus.
Appoint a note-taker to paraphrase and track main points, assignments, deadlines, status, and next steps.
Encourage everyone to face the speaker as much as possible (turn chairs in the appropriate direction.)
When ideas are presented, resist the urge to interrupt or critique and encourage the same behaviour from everyone.
Discourage side conversations. Ask participants to have their conversation at another time.
Take your own notes of what the speaker is saying
Model the art of listening with self-awareness, attentiveness to the speaker, and listening to understand.
Listening well will help you strengthen relationships, increase your knowledge, make better decisions, and improve your creativity. It can make all the difference in your success. How are your skills in the art of listening?
What do you think? I’d love to hear from you. I can be reached here and on LinkedIn.
Before you go…
Join our mailing list and get our favourite content regularly. We won't send you loads of stuff. We'll just share the gems that we think might interest you. Unsubscribe anytime.
Photo by Juri Gianfrancesco on Unsplash
