4 Practices for the Mindful Listener
Back in October, I published what proved to be a popular post on the theme of Leadership Development and the Art of Listening. I focused on practical approaches to improve our listening skills as leaders and recognised what can get in the way. I’d like to revisit this topic with you as I believe there is another essential element to the art of listening.
I offer that as counter-intuitive as it may appear, the art of listening actually begins with self-awareness.
Self-aware people understand what motivates them and their decision-making. They recognise their feelings (as they happen) and how they affect their thoughts. They know their strengths and weaknesses. Self-aware people understand their predisposition to bias and blind spots.
But how?
I like the way Anthony K. Tjan described it in an HBR article when he referred to a trinity of self-awareness, “know thyself, improve thyself, and complement thyself.” For me, this insight underlines that self-aware leaders are active truth-seekers. They commit to intellectual honesty, surrounding themselves with different types of people who understand and complement each other. Individually and collectively, they develop social intelligence.
Honing the skills of awareness requires mindfulness and becoming aware of what’s going on inside and around you on several levels. In its simplest form, mindful meditation is an intentional awareness of being, focusing on the breath. If, or rather, when a thought occurs, the person simply acknowledges the thought without judgement and returns to a focus on the breath. The practice leads to living in a state of conscious awareness of one’s whole self, of other people, and the context in which we live and work. It provides a framework for social awareness.
In Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (Goleman, 2007), Daniel Goleman describes social awareness as a spectrum. This spectrum runs from instantaneously sensing another’s inner state to understanding their feelings and thoughts. Goleman lists these as:
Primal empathy - Feeling with others; sensing non-verbal emotional signals.
Attunement - Listening with full receptivity; attuning to a person.
Empathic accuracy - Understanding another person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
Social cognition - Knowing how the social world works.
Whether they agree or disagree with what they are hearing, reading, or seeing, leaders who excel in the art of listening are fully receptive to the person communicating. They use active listening to signal their attunement. Self-aware listeners facilitate rapport with sustained presence, going beyond momentary empathy, similar to mindfulness practice.
What do you think? How do you define the art of listening? I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can reach me here and on LinkedIn.
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