Stop Giving Feedback
Things to stop doing in 2022 - No.1 Stop Giving Feedback
I'm not kidding. Just stop it.
I am talking about that type of feedback we term constructive. Which is a nice way of framing the action of criticising someone directly or just imposing on them your view of how stuff should be done.
Now, I am not saying that your effort is not well-intentioned. But what we need to recognise is that for people to learn and grow, they have a basic human need for acceptance. Feedback, especially if unsolicited, is painful.
You might get frustrated because team members don't take feedback well. But it's just how we are designed. It's normal behaviour.
What happens in the brain is that our defensive mode is triggered. We are thinking with our cognitive brain. We are assessing the danger. We might feel stress, shame and fear. We are in short-term mode. Survival-mode. We are not listening to learn.
As a leader, your job is to help people learn and improve. Giving feedback is a blunt tool, at best, for that task. Your well-intentioned feedback will only create resistance or compliance. You won't free up the potential of your people or get the results you want.
Good news. If you want to be a leader that develops your people, there is a better way, and here's how...
If you want to influence real and lasting change in people, you need to tap into the middle brain. Their creative self. Be curious. If you need to review a situation, ask them to do so. Explore their ideas before offering your own. Be future-focused. Be a learning partner. People want two-way conversations that create new learning and insight for them.
The significant benefit of this approach is that you're now working with long-term memory. The work you do here will have a much better chance of sticking.
So next time you are triggered to provide some helpful feedback...just don't.
What do you think? I’d love to hear from you. I can be reached here and on LinkedIn.
Photo by chris robert on Unsplash
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